The Loophole!
by Jack Mitchell
Summary: Spike discovers that there's a loophole to his chip, Giles has a helluva lot of emotion and Buffy....she'll get what's coming to her.


Willow and Tara were on the way back to the dorm across campus as the sun was setting.  
"I hate the way it goes dark and creepy" Tara whispered clutching Willow tightlt.  
"Don't worry," Willow comforted her, "I'm sure we're safe here."  
"That's not a good thing to say." Tara shivered and looked at the trees and bushes all around   
with a new  
sense of dread, "People who say that in films get into trouble."  
"We're not in a film Tara." Willow reminded her sensibly.  
"You're right, we *will* be ok." they smiled at each other just before they fell into the pit  
hidden with leaves.  
Tara stood up first, she was much shorter than the hole opening.  
"What are we going to do?" she sniffled pathetically  
"Wait here, Buffy'll save us." Willow smiled confidantly.  
"Yeah, Buffy will save us." Tara agreed.  
Around noon the next day they were feeling slightly low.  
"How can no-one hav efound us yet, this is on campus, *someone* should pass by all the time!!"   
Willow moaned.  
"This is horrible, just horrible." Tara snivlled.  
"Let's try and climb out again." Willow suggested.  
"I hurt my foot, I can't." Tara snuffled.  
"Well I hurt my wrist so I can't either." Willow snapped.  
"So we're stuck." Tara snizzled  
"Yeah"  
"Fine"  
"See if I care"  
"OK"  
"Good"  
"Sure thing"  
"No problem"  
**long pause**  
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" they both shrieked.  
  
"You'll never get out." a voice spoke when their screams had died away.  
"Who's that?" Willow called  
"No-one who gives a damn you're in a hole!" Spike grinned as he leaned over the edge.  
"Help us!" Tara snazzled  
"Nope, I've got a better idea...back it up guys." he spoke to someone behind him. Willow and Tara  
saw the end of a cement mixer looming over the hole.  
"Oh crap!" Willow sighed  
"What are we going to do?" Tara snittled.  
Willow was about to make a brainstorming breakthrough on what to do when 30 tonnes of  
mixed cement crashed down on them filling up the hole to the brim.  
"A job very well done!" Spike laughed as he walked away dusting his hands.  
  
"Oh good, that building work has finished." Giles smiled the next day, "It'll save you having to  
walk all the way round campus."  
"Yeah, that hole was dangerous, it's good job they filled it in." Buffy nodded as they walked   
over the smooth grey concrete.  
"Have you seen Willow recently?" Giles asked.  
"Nope, you?" Buffy chirped  
"I'm worried about her, she's usually swotting somewhere but I haven't been able to   
contact her." Giles sighed.  
"I'll look for her." Buffy simpered.  
"You're a dumb blonde bimbo and I'd have prefered Faith!!" Giles screamed.  
"Giles?" Buffy murmered  
"Sorry." Giles said starting awake from his daydream. "Oh yes, look for Willow, good plan."  
  
"Well, that's two of 'em taken care of." Spike grinned to Willy.  
"How did you kill them if you've got that chip?" Willy asked half heartedly  
"Because I didn't hurt them directly you brain dead moron." Spike snarled, "I however  
do have a brain thus I came up with the plan!" he mocked.  
"That's great Spike, really it is, are you gonna buy anything now?" Willy muttered  
Spike snarled with his vampiric face and Willy crouched beneath the counter, when he emerged  
the blood bottle had gone.  
  
Buffy, Xander, Giles and Anya were slightly worried.  
"We're a LOT worried here lady!" Xander shouted.  
ok, Xander  
Buffy, Xander, Giles and Anya were a LOT worried because Willow and Tara still hadn't  
shown up.  
"Where could they be?" Buffy pouted.  
"STOP POUTING YOU MINDLESS FREAK!!!!" Giles shrieked tearing out his hair.  
"Well?" Buffy asked  
"Sigh, I have no idea Buffy." Giles asked returning to reality again.  
They had no idea that the lost girls were dead inside a filled in hole.  
"Oh my god!!" Anya gasped "They're dead inside a filled in hole!"  
"How do you know?" Xander asked  
"I heard the narrator." she replied  
So they set off cheating b*****s to the concrete hole.  
"There's little we can do to get at their bodies, there's no way they'll be alive." Giles sighed  
"Well we shouldn't give up hope." Buffy fluffed.  
"ARE YOU STUPID??? THEY'RE DEAD IT'S OBVIOUS DON'T BE A MORON!!!!" Giles roared.  
"You're right Buffy, they may be alive." Xander agreed.  
They spent the hole night chipping away with a spoon until someone it was me suggested  
they used a drill.  
"We don't want to hurt them." Buffy pouted again  
"They won't be hurt Buffy." Giles groaned.  
"I don't want to risk it." Buffy fluffed  
"They'll be de-ad." a voice sang from the trees.  
"Is that Dru'?" Buffy flounced  
"It sounded like it." sighed Giles ajusting his glasses.  
"Get the crossbow." Buffy frowned coquetishly,  
They passed it to her out of her Sac Magique.  
you know what i'm talking about, that bag she fills with stuff whenever danger calls but   
only actually takes a stake!  
She aimed it at the trees and fired randomly. It bounced of various branches, pin-wheeled  
around in the air and landed with deadly accuracy in Anyas heart killing her instantly.  
"Nooooooooooooooo!" Xander wailed in anguish before grabbing a knife and leaping at Buffy.  
They fought bravely, Xander fueled by the power of anger and despair did well but  
Buffy did better and sliced Xander's head clean off his body with her axe.  
"Buffy!! YOU IDIOT!! YOU MORON!! YOU FOOL!!" Giles howled.  
"Jeez Giles chill! he was attacking me!!" Buffy panted...and then pouted.  
A laugh came from the trees as Spike rejoiced in his success.  
"Pass me the cross bow." Buffy frowned  
"NO!" yelled Giles  
"Don't make me kill you Giles" Buffy hissed advancing on him  
"What's got into you Buffy?" Giles whimpered  
"Oh....Riley on many many occasions" she simpered.  
"Yes..we know, it was a very dull moment in our lives you egotistical bimbo." Giles thought.  
"So hand me the crossbow or I'll kill you with.." she lifted up the weapon she was holding  
"...this crossbow!"  
Giles continued backwards until he dissapeared from sight as he fell down a hole.  
"Giles?" Buffy called quietly, her dumb blonde brain not fully understanding anything.  
"He must've gone home." she shrugged leaving. Ignoring Gile's groans as he came round again.  
"Ok back it up boys." Spikes laughing voice orded the faceless henchmen.  
"Oh dear me. Now I shall never again see the shores of old blighty, eat another scone or   
physically worship Adam Ricket!" Giles sobbed as the cement poured down.  
  
  
Later on when Buffy was wondering where everyone was dumb ass did Spike show up again.  
"Hello Slayer." he smiled  
"Hi...Spike" Buffy fluffed.  
"I've killed all your friends!" he grinned.  
"No you haven't, you've got a chip in your head!" Buffy flounced.  
"Grrr." Spike grumbled annoyed.  
"So what are you going to do now?" Buffy asked.  
"Well...first i'm going to kill you, then I'm going to kill a certain slimey demon who's   
been really getting on my wick with it's constant bad attitude, snobbish demenor and   
pervetish sexual tendencies." Spike spat  
"Who's that then?" Buffy wondered.  
"None of your bloody business slayer! It's between me....and the swamp bee itch."  
"That's it's name??" Buffy fluffled "weird."  
"You bore me." Spike smiled, "bye slayer." he pulled a rope that had been dangling behind  
him and a whole load of bricks crashed with sickening thud after sickening thud into  
Buffy's brain....wait scratch that..into Buffy's skull. she has no brain  
Spike sighed and walked off on his quest, to seek out and destroy the creature, the monster,  
the foul pestilante demon that saps the life from each and every one of us. And no...  
it's not Bill Gates.  
I asked Spike who it was that bugged him so much and he gave me a similar reply as with  
Buffy...maybe it's the demon Dru' ran away with...maybe you know more than I do..after all  
I don't invent Spike...Spike invents himself.  
  
  
The End  
  
  



End file.
